It Gets Better

It is much easier to get through hard times if we find positive distractions for our stresses, and also when we think marginally.

Photo Source: RiffRelevant.com.

I do not want to come off as trying to be a motivational speaker, because that kind of talk makes me cringe. But this morning, I read an article about a new documentary called Heavy Healing and it got me to thinking about how to respond to adversity.

As written in Metal Sucks:

Us metalheads, goths, punks, and emos: we BEEN known this. Just look back at all the arguments we’ve gotten into with our parents as teens—the music we listened to helped (and still does) help us, even if some of it sounds like literal death. We’ve now got a new documentary to point to that supports our longstanding knowledge, called Heavy Healing.

Blabbermouth also reports on this documentary with the following summary:

New documentary film "Heavy Healing" seeks to dispel rumors and shine a much-needed bright light on the healing powers of aggressive music. You will hear directly and candidly from artists, fans and industry types — remarkable individuals who have leaned on (or even become) “controversial” music makers in order to inspire and be inspired through the grueling process of recovery from the likes of cancer, anxiety and depression, strokes, heart attacks, cerebral palsy, blood diseases, diabetes and HIV/AIDS, to name a few.

To be clear, I am not suggesting listening to heavy music is a substitute for traditional medicine — that is absolutely not the case — and I do not believe anyone else I cite believes it either. Instead, it is a complement with traditional medicine: one which can help people endure what they are experiencing, so they can continue to be motivated to overcome obstacles in their lives. As the director, Howie Abrams stated:

I’ve survived several severe, life-altering medical ordeals. When you strip away the doctors and family and friends’ support, it’s the music that gets you through it all. In my case, I specifically leaned on Suicidal Tendencies’ ‘You can’t Bring Me Down’. ‘Heavy Healing’ gives a voice to those who have relied on heavy, aggressive music to recover from any number of things — medical, emotional or both.

This documentary actually reminds me of one of my very first interviews for a “real” job back in 1998/99. It was for a position with Industry Canada in Ottawa, and I had no idea what I was doing in terms of interviewing for a job. I still remember being asked by one of the interviewers how I coped with stress, and I told him that I listened to loud music such as Devin Townsend’s Ocean Machine — Biomech. In fact, I listened to that CD that morning while awaiting my interview.

I do not know for sure if that was a good answer given my audience, but it was true! The heavier songs enabled me to safely relieve myself of any stresses and aggressive feelings by banging my head around my apartment, while the softer and more melodic tunes relaxed me.

And when I bothered to listen to the lyrics, these songs — or spoken word tracks such as the one by Henry Rollins below — also made me feel like I was not alone in the world, because other people also felt they “came from a different planet”. Throughout high school, I thought I was the only one who did not find life easy, but listening to music helped me realize I was not so drastically unique; even then, it would get better.

It was the same when I was studying for my final exams during my last year of high school: when I felt stressed, I turned off the lights in my basement bedroom, put the blanket over my head, and listened to Pink Floyd’s A Momentary Lapse of Reason — especially the instrumental “Terminal Frost”. That is obviously not “heavy” music, but it was my go-to song for a long time whenever I felt stressed and anxious because it it relaxed me.

Of course, heavy music is not for everyone, but we can all find ways to distract ourselves from our problems so we can survive them, whether it is through sports, reading, or whatever else.

However, I would be remiss if I did not make my points using Economics, so here goes: one of Greg Mankiw’s Ten Principles of Economics is “rational people think at the margin”, which basically means do not think too far into the future.

That sounds contradictory to the argument that economists think in terms of the long-run, but that is really not the case. We still want to set long-run goals, but once we do so we need to take it one step at a time. I was actually giving that advice to one of my tutorial students yesterday when discussing the next goal for his research paper: do not worry about everything that needs to be done for this paper, but instead just focus on what needs to be done right now. Once that immediate step is finished, everything that comes later will be easier.

For life in general, if we worry about everything we have to do then we can easily become overwhelmed by it all. But if we just focus on what we need to do right now, then it all seems much more manageable. I often have to remind myself to think this way, because I know from personal experience that when I think of what needs to be done six months from now — or all of the different things I want do right now — I end up getting nothing done because I cannot decide what to do first.

Before closing this article, earlier I wrote that my interview with Industry Canada was not my first “real” interview. That “honour” goes to my interview with the Ontario Federation of Agriculture (OFA) in Toronto in 1998/99, one which went so badly I still have nightmares over it!

First, the keys to my car were accidentally locked inside it while warming up in my parents’ driveway in Acton, so we had to call someone to quickly unlock it. Despite that setback, I was still able to make it through rush-hour traffic on Highway 401 to arrive to the interview on time.

Then after stumbling through an answer to one of the questions, the guy would not stop staring at me with zero emotion on his face! I waited for him to ask another question, or at least say something, but he just kept staring at me! So I babbled on some more, but he still would not stop staring at me! I could not help but think of Homer Simpson saying to Mr. Burns “Of course, I’m just rambling because you keep staring at me like that”! It got so bad, I almost put my head down on the table, but then realized that would not make anything better.

The point of that anecdote is to show in another way that it gets better, regardless of how it seems in the moment. At the time, I thought I would never get a job because I was just clueless during interviews. But now when I look back to those experiences, I realize they were not so disastrous in the long run. I think of them whenever I am stressed about an upcoming meeting or presentation: in the end, I just remind myself it will all work out for the best, so do not worry about it.

That does not mean I do not care how it goes. I very much want to do my best, but over the last 30 years I have managed to slowly train myself to think only about what comes next, because the future is unwritten. If the next step goes well, then great! I will build on it. If it goes badly, then I will figure out how to make it better later.

In fact, that is how I usually approach writing for this newsletter: I try not to think about what I will write too far in advance because then I try too hard and it comes out sub-optimally. Instead, I look at the world around me every morning until something inspires me, and then let the words flow through my fingers onto the screen.

That might not work for everyone, but I have found it has been working for me and I am very happy with it. I hope you are all happy with it, too!

Thank you for reading to the end, and I hope to see you here again next time. Also, I ask you to please consider a paid subscription, as it will help me to afford to pay my opportunity costs of writing articles. Regardless, I am happy you are here!